glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
