I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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