You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
