with your own penis?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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