I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
