I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
