So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
