yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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