Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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