last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
