Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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