Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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