Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
