Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
