he puts the penis in happiness.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
that may or may not have been my penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
