rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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