My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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