Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
