i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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