so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
