fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
