Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
