Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
