So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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