Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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