i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
