I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
