So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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