What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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