my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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