I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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