So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
