I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
