I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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