She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
