so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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