just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
