I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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