with your own penis?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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