Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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