my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
