he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
