Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
