i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
