This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
