Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
