two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
