You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
