He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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