it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
