i think my tv is drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
