hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
