i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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