i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shame is for Republicans.
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