just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
