You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
